Protecting the relationship from sinking

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”
— Dale Carnegie

However fast world may progress towards automation and robotics, every individual will still require an another human to love him because machines can not fulfil the most basic urge of the heart, that is 'to love and to be loved'. Relationships are the most important but simultaneously difficult to cultivate if not cared properly. Just like the plants have to be supplied with water, fertilisers, sunlight etc from time to time else they will dry up sooner or later, similarly relations gets flourished or can bear fruits when cared and gets broken up or uprooted from hearts when ignored.

Following things can surely help in nourishing the relationships.

Respect the difference

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
– Donald Miller

No 2 people are made similar, each single of us is created unique physically as well as emotionally. Individuality can become great asset If we can use it to grow, but can become great cause of frustration if we start comparing with other's individual natures and likings. Respecting the uniqueness means appreciating the creation of god. No one is perfect so rather than competing with each other and making life more complicated it is better help and assist each other on our sojourn towards perfection.

Expectations has to be minimised

"Expectations are cause of misery." - Buddha

It is great to have expectations! It is also natural to expect your partner to be there for you all the time; to love you unconditionally; to always understand you; to always remember your birthday. If you find out that your expectations are not fulfilled, rather than getting angry at your partner, ask yourself whether your expectations are realistic and attainable. Keeping unrealistic expectations and hoping them to be fulfilled soon can break the connection eventually.

Loving exchanges

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” — Carl W. Buechner

Although love is faculty of heart it has to be expressed with the words and actions, it's not a good idea to keep respect and love only within one's mind. Srila Rupa Goswami, a Saint and an aacharya of 16 th century shares the time tested formula of developing relationships by quoting a verse in his Nectar of Instructions which says by Offering gifts, accepting charitable gifts, revealing one’s mind in confidence, inquiring confidentially, accepting food and offering food one can nurture the connection with others.

Acknowledge the contribution
Many times we forget about the contributions of people in our life thus we starts taking them cheaply or deal neglectfully that can ruin our relationship. Recognising and appreciating their participation in our upliftment(physical or emotional) can help in bridging of several minds together. Inspite of having vast information available for keeping relationships intact for years together still we see so many of them getting destroyed because people fail to apply this knowledge in their practical life.

Trust

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” ― George MacDonald

Trust is a super important part of a healthy relationship, but it’s something that many people struggle with, for a lot of different reasons. What does trust mean? Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other. You can’t demand or prove trust; trusting someone is a choice that you make. Trust is important than love because it fuels the love. Trust is one of the major foundation of any relationships.

I consciousness has to be overcome
The only things which can harm the relationship is that to think how I can get benefitted by this. Relationship is all about to serve and not only to be served. Personal agendas are like tight noose around the neck of relationships. Self centred consciousness has to be transformed into selflessness. Relationship means Seeking to give more than you receive. As long as we have exploitative tendencies in heart the real relationship can never grow.

Overlook the mistakes

 “We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” — Joyce Meyer

To err is a human, no one is perfect so rather than pondering upon others' mistakes let's learn to ignore it. Make a habit of focusing on the positives. Pay attention to your and other's strengths.

Nonjudgmental

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." — Mother Teresa

Most of the times it happens that people react over the issues without understanding the intent of others. We judge very quickly just by seeing the externals but they are not always real. We should treat others just like we want to be treated by them.

Speak it up

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” — Henry Winkler

We are not the god who understands and notes down every single thing that goes on in mind or in heart. How others will understand us if we won't speak it up. Not speaking anything and expecting others to behave or act in certain way is illogical. It's observed that those who regularly share their sorrows and happiness with others at least through words they are more blissful than those who keep everything in mind.

Hold on

“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.” – Alexandra Penney

Real relationships are much different than they are shown in romantic movies. When everything is nice and happening according to our way then it's easy to have good relations but the real test comes when ups and downs come in life's journey. Rupa Goswami gives the definition of love, he says, there may be multiple reasons to quit but still relationship continues and that's the real love. One must strive to hold on to it inspite of having many impediments.

Inner connection
We are much more than our physical body, we are spirit soul at our core. If we are attached to each other on the basis of physical charms and external skills then such relationships will end soon because neither the body nor anything related with body has permanent place in the world. But if we are loving each other, respecting each other understanding that we are eternal souls, servants of one God then that relationship can go beyond time and space. We must try to develop that inner connection with each other which not only includes binding of bodies and mind but also the soul.

Pure Purpose has to be focused upon

One can keep relationships with others only if he can deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death. -SB 5.18.18

One must check what he actually seeks from relationship, mere bodily or mind's needs or something higher than that. God and service to god should be the centre of any relationship. If the foundation of relationship is strong that is service to each other and to the supreme , then all other mentioned things become secondary and relations bear the fruits of satisfaction and higher bliss.

By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

Finding difficult to control Lust, try out following A,B,C,D...

While most of the people are enjoying delights of sex pleasure indiscriminately there are few who are trying to go against the current of material civilisation, for attainment of higher bliss by restraining their senses and mind by regulating sex. History reminds us by giving the examples of great personalities like King Yayati, Pururava, Saubhari etc that it's not easy to curb this desires but still not impossible. If one is unable to control his desires then he can't fulfil his material responsibilities also what to say of attaining spiritual world which is free from such selfish desires. Here are few principles which can help us in accomplishing our higher goals.

Avoid bad association
Association leads to aspirations and aspirations becomes the cause of actions. If we associate with those who are attached to enjoy through opposite sex, wine and wealth then we may fall in trap of material enjoyment which leads to reactions again. It's a vicious cycle very difficult to come out of it therefore One has to be very conscious about his company. Not only people but also keep a distance from magazines, films, novels, stories which aggravates our passion.

Be aware of your thoughts
Mind is like a generator and nerves are like wires which carry a current to machines that are compared to senses. When certain desires comes to the mind they are sent to the senses, mind propels the senses to carry out or to fulfil its wishes. As krishna explains in Gita, fall down of soul starts with contemplation on sense objects, this contemplation leads to lust(2.62-63) which is enemy of conditioned soul(3.37). Therefore checking lust at the very beginning is most important. Try to check your thoughts, don't let mind wander everywhere, keep it engaged in productive work(6.26). The more it thinks of sense enjoyment more it feels unsatisfied.

Control the diet
Lord explains in Gita about 3 kinds of foods, that is in mode of goodness, passion and ignorance. Gross part of food affects body and subtle part of food affects the mind. If one consumes passionate food like too hot or pungent, meat, fish, eggs his passion gets nourished which actually agitates the mind. Lord recommends healthy diet in mode of goodness that includes wheat, rice, lentils, milk and fruits which also helps in getting happiness and satisfaction(17.8)

Develop a higher taste
To be blissful always is the nature of soul and therefore it's searching for some kind of pleasure at all the time. When one is not experiencing higher bliss he will look out for lower form of bliss available in sense enjoyment(2.59). When the beggar is full with tasty, nourishing food he won't beg neither will eat cheap and unhealthy food. When we engage ourself in processes of Bhakti we naturally becomes happy and contented at heart and mind thus we try to give up enjoying senses through the medium of sex.

By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

When puppy becomes happy....

Once a lady went to veterinery with her puppy. She complained to the doctor about his misbehaviour, his disobedience towards her. She was attached to puppy but she was worried because of his indifference. She requested doctor to cure him because she couldn't think to live without him. Doctor observed the puppy for a while and told her not to be worried, he asked her to leave this puppy with him for a day or more, assuring her of his cure. As soon as she left doctor called his assistant and told him to tie the puppy in buffalo's shed. He also ordered him to not feed him anything except water and to give lashes with whip if he barks. Puppy was miserable, whole night he couldn't sleep there due to hunger and mosquito biting and when he barked asking for something he was whipped. Lady came after 2 days, she asked about her puppy. Doctor asked assistant to free the puppy from chains, as soon as he was freed he ran towards his mistress, he felt comfortable in her arms, under her shelter, he started kissing her, licking her, he was happy. She realised the puppy is cured. She asked the doctor, "how did you do that?", doctor replied, "due to your pampering he had forgotten about his position as a dog and was thinking himself to be boss, we just gave him proper psychological and physical treatments to give him his identity back, now he is okay."

Many times people question about their existence in material world, they ask if they were happy in spiritual world then why did they land up coming here, what is the purpose of life so on and so forth. This simple story reveals their answers.

We the souls were staying happily with Krishna in his eternal blissful abode named 'Goloka'(Vaikuntha). But because of developing indifference, insubordination towards him we were taken to the hospital for curing our diseased attitude of 'wanting to enjoy independently from god'. Material world is compared to a hospital and illusory potency of Lord, Maya Shakti, the Durga Devi is doctor. By her various treatments categorised by adhidaivik, adhyatmik, adhibhautik miseries she makes us realise that, we are not the boss, nor the independent enjoyer, we are eternal servants who are meant to serve the lord.

We can understand Krishna's unlimited love for us through this act, he could have forsaken us eternally for our misconduct but for sake of us he creates this material world to give us an opportunity to rectify our mistake by understanding his and our's position. Just like puppy became happy by accepting shelter of his mistress we the individual soul similarly can experience happiness when sheltered by eternal master, Krishna.

By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

Are you healthy??

Exercises are generally neglected because while practicing one needs to come out of comfort zone and really push himself to do it, but one suffer the health issues as a consequence of avoiding it. While I was in hospital for some treatments I was told by the doctors to start exercising regularly to stay healthy and fit so that there will be less possibility of body to get diseased again. People who do regular exercises have a lower risk of many chronic diseases, such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, stroke, and some cancers. I started exercising and now experiencing better results, it really helps.

We exercise to improve our heart health and we lift weights to build and tone our muscles. But what about our inner health? What do we do when we feel lonely, dejected, discontent, despondent, annoyed, depressed, tempted and frustrated? Research shows that for some degree physical exercise can heal mental sickness but not all. We come across the people who are physically fit but mentally ill (eg. anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviours).

Gita tells us that there was no warrior like Arjuna, he was perfectionist in terms of power and skills but still he felt crippled because of mind and refused to fight(6.34). One may be strong without but if he is weak within he can not use his strength effectively. As an to answer to Arjuna's query lord Krishna replied by saying, certainly mind is powerful and centre of all sensory activities but it can be controlled with suitable practices(abhyas) and detachment(vairagya) - spiritual exercise(6.35).

Spiritual exercises can help us in building inner muscles. It gives us strength to deal with temptations, provoking situations, bad habits and teaches us to be satisfied. Suitable practices involves engaging the mind in superior bliss which is available in practices of devotional service such as chanting and hearing, and detachment means keeping the mind away from inferior pleasures of material world. Sometimes one may need to really push and come of out of comfort zone to practice spirituality but it will help us to be fit and healthy within, making us immunised for all mental diseases. In conclusion healthy is one who not only keeps his body but also his mind sound and fit.

By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

God - The Munificent Banker

Imagine a person borrows money from bank and forgets or neglects to pay it off back within given time, what will happen? The banker will surely sue a case against him to recover whole money. However bank may tell you that they offer best loans at attractive interest rates with flexible pay back options they won't leave you until you return a single paisa. In fact before giving loan they will check your financial conditions and your ability to pay back money, if you fit in their criteria then only you will receive the loan.

If we observe our life carefully we will find that we own practically nothing and everything is borrowed from someone else, may it be from parents, nature, from animals, birds and trees etc. And a good responsible human tries to repay his debt by various means to those who have helped him in so many ways.

But if we see God although he has given everything he never expects anything from us. Lord explains in Gita that earth, water, fire, air, ether, mind, intelligence and ego, which later helps in creating different bodies and species, emanates from him(BG 7.4). 7th chapter further explains that krishna is taste of water, abilities in man, life in all lives, power in all powerful men, strength of the strong etc. He is the one who nourishes the herbs and plants, provides seed for creation, he sends forth the rain which causes growth of food crops not only that he is also a digestive fire in stomach and in other innumerable ways he provides us everything that is required to live a life without looking at our qualifications and conditions. We are certainly indebted to him, more than anyone else.

Although he doesn't asks us anything in return but as a responsible, sensible humans we must try to repay him back. Although being omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, lord Krishna is very simple at heart, simple and genuine things please him the most. Suppose a money lender comes to you and you just offer him water or leaf to nullify debt, he will not only get infuriated but also beat you up. But Krishna is not like that, he says he is happy accepting the things such as water, a flower, a leaf and a fruit if offered with devotion in return to enormous things which he has provided. By being grateful to him, appreciating and using things in his service we can repay his debt.

By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

Scriptures-Fantasised or fantastic

Most of the people consider scriptures to be fantasy of someone's fertile mind. They think these are merely lessons intended stories, texts, verses for morale evolution of humans and not more than that. They ignore the importance of scriptures saying it's just a mythology, like an ordinary film story.
But scriptures are wonderful creation of God for helping everyone to reach him eventually, certainly they contain substantial matter for all of us.

Offers us the ideal path to go on with in life-
Often we want to have standardised or most perfect or ideal things but when it comes to living a life we just want to live it without standardising it. Scriptures includes the lifestyles of various successful kings of past history such as Yudhisthira, Janaka, Dhruva, Bali, Shibi etc. These kings didn't not only live their life for completing material responsibilities but also fulfilled their spiritual duties. By following such examples we can also become successful in both the worlds like them.

Guides us in crucial moments-
Life is not completely in our hands, we are not sure that when tragedy will arrive. But responding to problems is in our hands. Some consider that religion or scriptures tells us to run away from everything but no, they actually prepare us beforehand to deal with different situations resulting in jubilance, distressing or disturbing.

Gives us the specific purpose to live for-
Scriptures gives us much more than morale instructions, they offers us the higher purpose in life. Without a purpose life don't have any meaning. They tell us the importance, advantage, rarity of human birth and prepares us to attain the goal of human life that is to please God through our actions. They shift our focus from sense gratification to self realisation which awaken us to eternal reality which exists beyond this mortal world.

Scriptures are Filled with extraordinary information-
They have talked about all kinds of sciences and information such as embryology, health, space, species, miliatary and political sciences etc much before than advancement of technologies. Scriptures doesn't limit till gross science but also deals with subtler sciences, where it teaches to deal with mind, intelligence and ego. In fact it talks about most subtle thing the soul, supersoul and their relationship which is not at all taught by any other education system. This knowledge makes us aware of our predicament here in this world and ignites the fire within to go to spiritual world where eternal bliss exists.

Carries the potency for transformation-
Scriptures are filled with instructions and pastimes of God who is all purifying, thus by getting in contact with such literatures one can experience internal purification, change of heart and attitude towards this world and towards everyone, which is not possible by any mundane subjects. Purified heart is store house of bliss and satisfaction. There are many who attained transcendental bliss by practicing this wisdom.

In conclusion when we study scriptures under expert guidance many dimensions of realities which are beyond our physical approach can be known to us. These are fantastic words from God in fact scriptures are the incarnation of God in words, by learning and following these words we can actually experience and reach him who is beyond this world.

By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

'And they happily lived ever after'......are you sure??

For classic fairy tales, “And they lived happily ever after” is the most popular ending. Here’s the pattern: The story opens with, “Once upon a time. . . .” Then the characters are introduced, and they get into various adventures and troubles. Finally, their troubles are resolved, their adventure ends in success, and they live happily ever after.

After reading narrations from such books or watching movies based on these books one may question that I am also going through troubles and adventures, in fact my inconveniences and anxieties are more than hero of a story, problems are non-ending and I am trying my best to deal with them but when this 'happily lived ever after' is going to come in my life? Does such thing really exist?

We all have practical experience that till the end of life one struggles. Initially one struggles for basics necessities, wishes, desires then for social positions etc and at the end for every life breath. Responsibilities, struggles don't end they keep on increasing, so to think that now everything is settled we can live happily here in this world for long time is simply a myth. The books and movies many times fanaticise about 'happiness' and 'ever after(eternity)' not knowing where to get and how to get them. In other words they only misguides us in our journey for real eternal pleasure.

On the other hand we have scripture like Gita which exactly tells us about the nature of pleasures of this world and their transience(BG 5.22). While portraying real picture of material world Gita wisdom
not only provides us the way to deal with temptations, problems and every single issue of life but also offers us the way to reach abode of God where actually we can 'live happily ever after'(BG 15.6).

Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

Regulate before you regret

Imagine a school without any discipline or rules, students can come and go at any time, if they wish they can study else no worries, they can eat and play whenever and wherever they want etc. Of course for time being students will be happy but how helpful it will be for children's future or a nation at large? No, it won't be. Regulation, rules, laws are must in all parts of life. It's said 'Discipline leads to success'.

Still we find there are few who just don't want to control or regulate their own lives. According to them regulations, laws restrict their enjoyment, 'enjoy the life indiscriminately' is their whole philosophy. But we can see from our own life that we can't enjoy unlimitedly, for eg we can't eat sweet balls beyond certain numbers. And even we eat them we can't digest them, and even if we digest them we may suffer from diabetes in future(if we eat them regularly and indiscriminately). This can be highly regretful situation for lover of sweet balls, because now he can't enjoy them anymore. This sorrow could have been avoided only if he could have regulated.

People in general don't want to follow spirituality, scriptures and their direction because they want to 'enjoy', they keep distance from God thinking he will restrict me. But any ways how long such enjoyment can last? The whole motto of enjoying can be thrashed in few moments putting one in miserable state of life. Uniqueness of scriptures is that they offers us not only regulated way of enjoyment which doesn't harm us, but also the way for higher and purer enjoyment.

In conclusion one must regulate his life and whims in reference to scriptures to get rid of pains and to experience bliss even in this mortal world(BG 6.17). In other words if someone is unregulated in his life he can never properly enjoy his material life and will be always remorseful what to say of going to spiritual world.

By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa

Light can save us from plight

Imagine you are walking on a road which is devoid of street lights at dark night of no moon day. How difficult it would be to reach your home, you may fall due to pot holes, or bang on trees injuring yourself in fact you may come to a point again from where you started your journey. All these problems could have been avoided if torch was carried.

Walks of life are also filled with darkness arising from confusion and bewilderment. Many of us are trying to walk on our life's journey without carrying torchlight of proper knowledge. So we fall due to our inabilities to tackle with unpredictable difficulties, challenges, chaotic situations etc which are like potholes and other obstacles and we fail to achieve our goal. Ignorance is compared to darkness it makes us hopeless and gives rise to many problems making journey troublesome. In light road gets clear and easy for walk. Similarly when darkness of ignorance is overcome with light of knowledge life becomes easy to go on.

We see that Kurukshetra war was being played during day time, everything was visible and clear, the opponents, the goal etc but still Arjuna was unable to play, he refused to take part in war, he was confused(BG 2.7). Why? Because his inner world was covered with darkness. When he was illuminated with wisdom of Gita he not only fought but also won the war. Lord compares spiritual knowledge to a light of lamp which dispels the darkness within hearts(BG 10.11). Problems in the world are because of ignorance of our real nature thus Inner illumination is more important than outer. In conclusion many times our goals are clear to us but internally we may get perplexed while execution and give up our attempts to reach goal. Gita can help us during such times by offering its wisdom which acts like a light to overcome our plight which can arise on different walks of our life.


By Rupesh Gauranga Dasa